you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
