1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
