I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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