Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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