new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
