So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
