I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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