I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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