Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
