At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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