the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
