at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
