i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
