So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
