How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
