Please, let me fuck your mom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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