What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
