Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
