I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
