I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
