When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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