Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
