New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're like the curious george of whores
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
