so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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