Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
