Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize