I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
