508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
