Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
