Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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