Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
