It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize