end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
