it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
