I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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