You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
