I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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