Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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