Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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