He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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