He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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