Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
