Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
