I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
