you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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