So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
