I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
