How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
