why didn't you poke me back
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
