Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You're like the curious george of whores
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
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