Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.

Fav 2 2030 1193
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(207): View more from Maine

just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.

Fav 6 784 2692
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(973): View more from New Jersey

If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.

Fav 2 1181 860
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I put xanax in the cake batter

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Did you really? It all makes sense now.

Fav 15 1286 651
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(231): View more from Michigan

You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.

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