Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
