i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
