you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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