My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
