I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
