I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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