Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
