I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You are a genius and a whore.
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