WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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