Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
