Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
