some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
