walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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