I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize