So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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