An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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