Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
