My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You ruined the universe
Randomize
