awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His hands were made for my vagina.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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