you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize